I'm not sure why I want to keep living.
To be honest, I don't think I need to know if there is a "why" behind why I keep on.
Today I realized that my next goal is to start earning extra money, finishing my schooling, and getting a second job to pay down some of my debt. I also realized that I am afraid to do so. I'm afraid to face the new stress that I'd be exposed to.
That's where this blog comes in. I created this to help me face the fears that I have. Now, I won't be completely candid even though I'm pretty much the only one that reads this, but still.
My job sucks as far as wage goes. I knew it going into it. Over the past year, I've received a wage increase of about 1%. I don't know if that's normal for other wage earners in my bracket and other such statistics. Regardless of those unknowns, I earned very little before and now I earn very little plus a tiny amount now.
I bring that up so that I can face the realities of my wages. I earn shit. I am drowning in debt. Wouldn't it be nice to pay some of that off in a year? Two years? Yeah. It would be.
So take a chance. I need to go out and accept that I've failed so far in my life so why not risk failing some more. It's not like I'll lose anything. I'll end up with things as they currently are so I really wouldn't be losing anything. Whereas the benefits are that I have the option to greatly enhance my life beyond what it already is.
So what scares me? The unknown? Fear in general? What?
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